SITH is It!

Halloween '83: My bro and I are kickin' it old school with the drugstore vinyl smock costumes with indispensible circulation-stopping rubberband masks. Proud children of the '80's, Mike was X-Wing Pilot Luke Skywalker... and I was an Ewok. Yeah, I was a little light in the ol' Keds back in the day.

Words can't convey how psyched I am to see Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith tonight. "Tonight?!" you ask, gentle reader? Yeah, I'm seeing it tonight, technically 12 midnight, Wednesday, May 18th. A whole day before it actually opens.

Yeah, I got connections.

Okay, this is really the first time this has ever happened to me, but believe you, me... I am loving it! I always get a kick out of seeing these geeky movies on opening night (or in this case, opening night-eve) because you know that all the die-hard fans are going to be there. It's an event. Now, I don't know if people will be dressed up tonight. Maybe.

But for the record, I won't. I'll be coming from work. Unless some wacked-out fanboy erroneously identifies me as "Medic Puce Shababa" on planet Hoth in scene 14 in The Empire Strikes Back, I'll just be the shlub in the scrubs.

And speaking of work, I've been humming the theme to Star Wars at the hospital for the last two or three days. Constantly. One patient got so annoyed, he tried to Force-choke me. Well, that, or it was muscular dystrophy. One or the other. Don't believe me? What's wrong with you guys?? Y'know, I find your lack of faith disturbing!

In the last two weeks, I've watched Episodes I and II, to refresh myself with all the various subplots and characters. I remember liking them in the theaters, but acknowledging their stories were a bit dense and hard to grasp. But, now, seen in context, they make more sense, and you can understand the whole Sith conspiracy a little better.

But, really, Revenge of the Sith is what everyone's been waiting for. Darth Vader, baby! Darth Vader! That little teaser a few months back, where DV's being lifted up in some hydraulic lazy boy, and you hear the Emperor say, "Lord Vader," and James Earl Jone's voice comes back, "Yes, My Master?" "Rise!"

An entire generation collectively got goosebumps.

To all my friends out there, believe me when I type this: I will see this movie with you. I will share the experience. I will most likely see this flick this summer at least three times.

Yes, Mr. Lucas, here's my 30 bucks. Do what you do best!

Signs of the Imminent Apocalypse, pt. 1
The other day at McDonald's, I saw some girl wearing those adorable sweatpants with the writing on the butt. You know, those liberating phrases like, "Juicy," or "Too Hot," or even "I have no respect for myself and the only affirmation of my person-hood is in my making an overly-sexualized spectacle of myself in which I will only attract negative and degrading attention from the very same male-dominated society in which I think I am rebelling against" Okay, that last one was on a really fat person's sweatpant butt. Well, anyway, this chica in McDonald's had one of these sweatpants on. The only problem, I see, is that she was clearly 10 years old. Dear parents of Long Island, before you acquiesce to your children's fashion demands, think: Do I want to draw attention to my child's ass? Maybe, in the spirit of fairness, guys should start wearing short shorts with a phrase printed over the front that says, "Hey! Look at my Groin!"

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