Lest WE Not Forget (Part Deux)

Shame, shame upon me... for forgeting some of my most cherished 80's movies from my childhood. So after much reflection, some helpful blog comments, and a couple of procrastinated hours on Google and IMDB, I present the second half of my favorite flicks from my '80's childhood - 10 more flicks from my halcyon youth.

Let me reiterate:

1. This is not listed in any order of importance - like a parent's children, they are all equally loved

2. These are movies made in the '80's that I watched in the '80's. Thus, typical "Top '80's Movies" staples, The Breakfast Club, Saint Elmo's Fire, or basically anything with Molly Ringwald, is not listed, because I didn't see them until the '90's.

Project X (1987)

Comon' guys, don't tell me you've never seen this one! Matthew Broderick, a very pre-Mad About You Helen Hunt, and lots and lots of chimpanzees! This movie pretty much had me wishing for a pet chimp well into the mid-'90's. Anyway, for those of you who may have forgotten, Project X is about a washout Air Force cadet who gets a new appointment training chimpanzees to fly planes on simulators. Why? The military is testing the flying chimpanzees to see how long they live after they subject them to lethal radiation, to see how long human pilots could survive in a nuclear war. The bad situation gets worse for Matt, when he forms a special bond with Virgil, who had been trained to communicate with sign language. This one's got a couple of heartbreaking moments before the thrilling climax.

Random Quote - Virgil: "Apple."

Weird Science (1985)

As I mentioned in the last blog article, I did not see Fast Times at Ridgemont High during the '80's. I did not see Phoebe Cates in that movie. However, I did see Weird Science. And I did see Kelly LeBrock. And... well. There ya go. This movie is amazing on so many levels, I don't know where to start. True, it has Michael Anthony Hall, but his involvement is forgiven on account of Kelly LeBrock, an off-the-wall story, and Kelly LeBrock. Where John Hughes came up with a story that involved a couple of unpopular nerds creating a magical woman out of a Barbie doll and a computer, whilst donning bras on their heads, is anyone's guess. I think Tab had something to do with it - it was the '80's, after all. Complete with über big brother, Chet (played to perfection by none other than Bill "Game Over, Man!" Paxton), and a young, pre-criminal record Robert Downey Jr. as "Cool Guy #2," and a worthwhile message, and you have an instant classic. And did I mention Kelly LeBrock..?

Random Quote - Mutant Biker #3: "Can we keep this... between us? I'd hate to lose my teaching job..."

Teen Wolf (1985)

Now, this was the movie that paved the way for this article. After Chris mentioned it in the comments section, I realized I had made a grave error in forgeting this Michael J. Fox tour-de-force. Scott , Boof, Stiles... Bad Guy Mick, Blonde Pamela, the Theater Director ("Uh, Wolf... Person?"), Chubby, the Coach... surfing on top of the "Wolf Mobile"? This had all the proper elements for an '80's teen movie - socially awkward lead, wacky best friend, good girl brunette "buddy/love interest", evil blonde goddess, game-winning montage (complete with montage music), 30-year-old "teenagers," and werewolves. I remember watching this as a kid and being absolutely terrified of going to high school, what with the parties with all the sex games (Did Chubby ever eat all that jello?)... Hey, I was, like 8 when I saw this flick for the first time... Believe me, I have a new appreciation for Stiles' perverted imagination and party-planning skills, nowadays.

Random Quote - Scott Howard: "GIVE ME... A KEG... OF BEER. And these."

Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon (1985)

A lazy Saturday afternoon wouldn't be complete without The Last Dragon popping up on some random cable channel in the '80's. This flick hearkens back to a simpler time in Harlem, when Vanity hosted neighborhood video dance clubs (whose futuristic architecture always reminded me of Laces, the roller skating rink), where multi-cultural, gi-clad gangs could swagger where they pleased, and arcade owners hired pro-wrestlers and thugs to take out a pesky young man named Leroy Green, who was only attempting to improve his martial arts skills in order to attain "The Glow." Those were good times in Harlem... full of breakdancing and kung-fu. Man, I miss the '80's.

Random Quote - Shonuff: "I AM the Shogun of Harlem!"


Cloak & Dagger (1984)

I would be remiss if I didn't include a Dabney Coleman movie in this list somewhere... am I right? I just like saying his name, "DABNEY COLEMAN." What a great name... Cloak & Dagger - a cool movie, but don't remember the whole story. It always stuck with me, though, because it's all about a lonely little kid who has an imaginary friend based on one of his secret agent toys - "Jack Flack." "Jack Flack" and the little boy, Davey's, neglectful father are both played by Dabney. In a classic case of '80's logic, Davey somehow intercepts US military secrets that have been concealed in an innocent Atari game cartridge (WARNING - BLATANT PRODUCT PLACEMENT!). Jack Flack helps Davey outwit and elude some nasty Soviet spies, until Davey's Dad gets his act together. As a G.I. Joe nut back then, who was always wrapped up in all those imaginary adventures, I was always enamored with this movie. And speaking of G.I. Joe...

Random Quote - Davey: "Jack Flack always escapes!"

The Boy Who Could Fly (1986)

Uh, yeah. This movie is all about a lonely girl befriending an autistic boy who lives next door and is obsessed with flying. By the end of the movie, he flies. That's the movie. I think she also falls in love with him. Yadda Yadda. But what I truly love about this movie is the subplot featuring her little brother, Louis, played by a young Fred Savage. That's right, baby. Louis is a HUGE G.I. Joe fan. He's got them all, lined up, posed all around his room. Every scene, he's got handfuls of them. He even sets up a cemetary in the backyard for them (what boy in the '80's didn't bury their action figures at one point or another? We were a morbid generation, we, the last to experience the final gasps of the Cold War... The subplot involves Louis trying to ride his Big Wheel (Oh God, I love all this '80's stuff!) around the block, only he keeps getting beat up by the neighborhood bully and his knuckle-dragging throng. Each time he tries, he has to rebuild his destroyed Big Wheel, and try a different strategy. When he finally does it, with a pimped-out ride that would make Xzibit jealous, and the bullies get their karmic desserts... it's just awesome. Watch the movie just for Fred Savage. And G.I. Joe.

Random Quote - Bully #1: "There's no water in this gun?" Bully #2: "So what's in it?" Louis: "PISS!"

Red Dawn (1984)

The USSR and Cuba join forces and invade America. Remember what I was saying about the last gasps of the Cold War in the '80's? One scene that I'll never forget was when all the Russian paratroopers landed outside the high school, and when the teacher went out to talk to them, they mowed him, and most of the student body, down with their evil Soviet machine guns. This movie was crazy, with death camps, and firing squads, and C. Thomas Howell. Luckily, a small band of heavily-armed teenagers fight a guerrilla war against the Communist occupiers, calling themselves the "Wolverines." Only later, after I discovered comic books, did I realize how cool that part was. When I was a kid, I was mystified at all the guns they were able to get, and how freaking scary it would be if we were ever in the middle of World War III. Luckily we had Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, Jennifer Grey, and Lea Thompson to kick some Socialist asski.

Random Quote - Jed: "C'mon! We're all going to die - Die standing up!"

The Princess Bride (1987)

Long before the Hot Topic kids got their pale, grubby hands on this, The Princess Bride was an odd little flick, full of irreverent humor, imaginative characters, and a lot of clever dialogue. While the movie is supposed to be about a dashing hero saving his true love, all everyone remembers are all the great secondary characters and the one-liners. There are so many great lines, I'll be sure to annoy someone with my pick for "Random Quote," but it simply can't be helped. I remember watching this wacky adventure tale - told as a story by a grandfather to his sick grandson (played by Fred Savage!) - not quite sure what to make of it. A lot of the humor went right over my head, but it didn't stop me from enjoying it. Plus, it had Andre the Giant (as a Giant, imagine that!) and Mandy Patinkin (Who also has a great, sayable name - MANDY PATINKIN... MANDY PATINKIN) as the Spaniard, Inigo Montoya. Timeless.

Random Quote - Vizzini: "Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Three Amigos (1986)

This was another movie I remember watching on the couch while my Dad cracked up over every line. I'd watch him laugh, trying to figure out what was so funny. Sure, Steve Martin fell down, or Chevy Chase accidentally killed the invisible swordsman... but most of the stuff didn't make any sense to me. It's interesting, being a kid and watching a movie. Whether it's a comedy, or drama, or action, you really don't catch the overall story, or most of the dialogue. You can follow the plot, to a point... but mostly, you're watching out for when people get whacked in the head or something. Three Amigos is an awesome movie, and only in recent years have I understood how freaking funny it is. Looking at it now, I'm absolutely floored by how creative movies used to be. I mean, "singing bush"? "Invisible swordsman"? "My Little Buttercup"? "Chevy Chase was funny"?! The drugs must've been good back then... or the writers.

Random Quote - Ned: "Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!"

"Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"


One Crazy Summer (1986)

This is the second of the two John Cusack movies directed by Savage Steve Holland. The first, being Better Off Dead, is a movie I still have yet to see. Why? I just don't know. But what I do know is this - One Crazy Summer is a great, great '80's movie. I loved it as a kid - a cartoonist, a boat race, a killer dolphin, and Bobcat Goldthwait. Mysteriously, both of Savage Steve's Cusack flicks follow (heck, they may have designed them) some of the classic '80's teen movie guidelines - a rag-tag band of misfits have to save an orphanage or something from some greedy snobs, and the only way to do it is to beat them at either a ski or boat race. (Very similar to John Candy's Summer Rental, which had come out a year earlier). Why these ski/boat races are so important is never fully explained, but it sets up a great climax for the end of the film, when the wacky misfits whip out an amazing secret weapon after the mean snobs pull every dirty trick in the book to get ahead (even though they have a top-of-the-line yacht and the good guys built their boat out of driftwood and Big League Chew) and come from behind and win. Even though South Park later parodies this plot point, it never gets less entertaining.

Random Quote - Egg: "Ack Ack, let me tell you a little story. A story about a little fat kid who everybody made fun of, and nobody liked and he had a twin brother, and everybody said he never looked like his twin brother, but he wanted to..." Ack Ack: "Egg, where you that little boy?" Egg: "No! No! But I used to beat the shit out him! "Why are you so fat? Why are so ugly?" Aaagghh!" Ack Ack: "Great story, thanks."