Thanksgiving Breaks and Bruises

Am I sleepy? Drunk? Recently lobotomized? All of the above? Who cares? I was off on Thanksgiving Break. For the first two days I did absolutely nothing... and it was everything I thought it would be. I lounged around... slept late... trolled the internet for hours on end...

(Actual picture of me in my pajama pants)
... and of course, I did it all in my pajama pants. Those wonderful, wonderful inventions made out of soft flannel. Oh how I love my pajama pants. For roughly 50 hours straight, I wore my pj bottoms and a succession of my oft-neglected Metallica t-shirts. Oh glorious rapture!
In addition to loafing, I was able to finally rent some DVD's. I sat down one night and watched Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven. It was very good! The storyline was interesting, the acting well done, and the production values were top-notch. It tells the tale of a village blacksmith who finds out he's the illegitimate son of an aristrocratic crusader. He follows him back to the Holy Land to become his successor and serve the king of Jersusalem. After the idealistic king dies, he in turn is succeeded by a zealous prince who sparks another war with the surrounding Muslim armies led by the great general, Saladin. The blacksmith stays behind to guard Jerusalem after the princes armies go out and ultimately lose to Saladin in the desert. The blacksmith then leads in the defense of Jerusalem until he forces a truce with Saladin, saving the people who live in the city. The main critique I have for the movie is that it's slightly implausible to believe some of the characters in the movie, especially Orlando Bloom's character. He's supposed to be a simple village blacksmith from the Middle Ages... yet he speaks and thinks like a Philosophy and History Major from Berkeley College. If you just pretend that his character is actually a time-traveller from the 21st century, the whole story makes a lot more sense. He and some of the supporting characters, especially his father played by Liam Neeson, seem to look upon the Crusades with a tolerant view more akin to a 21st Century perspective, as opposed to a "God Wills It! Kill the Infidel!" mentality which I imagine was a whole lot more common back then. But all in all, a good movie. But when you watch it, try the timetraveller idea, it'll make more sense that way.

"Always be on your guard Anakin... I mean Bruce... I mean... Amsterdam. I mean... Orlando. Geeze, which character am I a father-figure to, now, in this movie?"
Wow Tom, thanks for inviting me to the football game this year!

And the football game was a great success. Yeah, everyone will be limping into work on Monday, but we all had a great time. True, and we took many a lump... but 'twas all in good fun! The Anonymously Evil All-Stars once again were victorious over the Rag-Tag Band of Misfits 6-3. However, it was a moral victory for the Misfits as they didn't need to borrow the All-Star's Brian "Pimpdaddy" Craine to score any points this year. Sadly, $teve and Hurricane Andrew couldn't participate due to untimely illness, but they were present in spirit. Later on, we were joined by Chris and Maggie, who provided pizza and burgers... and Bishop, Mikey G, Kruger, and Z organized some beer pong in the dungeon. Z, Kruger, and I exchanged engagement stories, and are now planning a support group for expectant grooms. And Bishop shared the beauty of a Coors Lite Mini-Keg with us all, in a heartwarming moment of holiday cheer... and beer. Mikey G Esquire just grinned the whole time... mainly because he just passed the bar exam, so more power to him!

And now, alas, I return to the trenches. This time I'll be learning about skin. For three weeks. I don't know how much one can know about skin... but I'm damned sure it's more than necessary. I'll be wrapping up on December 21st. I can't wait!

Feedback Question of the Day:
"What was your favorite part of the Thanksgiving Break?"

PHEW!

Well, that was a close one! I have now successfully completed Hematology and Immunology at NYCOM. Holy Kajoly. That was a ridiculous test. I don't know what else to say, aside from being incredibly relieved. I think the picture really encapsulates my emotions when I heard the good news.

And speaking of good news: Dad doesn't have cancer. Lymph Node Biopsy came back cleaner than a nun's diary. Booya! Many thanks to everyone for keeping him in their thoughts and prayers... and a big high five to the Man Upstairs for pulling some strings on our behalf. You rock, God.

Feedback Question of the Day:
"Ever been really worried about something, only to get some great news?"

So I Was Raking the Lawn...

Happy-go-lucky suburbia: we don't have to worry about too much in the neighborhood. No drive-bys, no street gangs, and only the occasional dog poo on the shoe. But there is one hazard that can befall any unsuspecting suburbian: the annoying, creepy neighbor. As many of you know, I have the unparalleled pleasure of living near, not one, but two creepy neighbors. Much like herpes, they don't come out much, and only bother you when you're trying to have fun. The only time they become visible is when you unwarily encroach on their turf... and then you reap their wrath.
In one corner, you'll find Old Man Weirdo. He sucks. He's a hermit, who's lived in that very same house his entire life. He never moved out, lived with his parents until he outlived them both (or so he'd have us believe). Some fun facts: He's convinced his mother's ghost haunts the house, so he sleeps in the garage. He uses grocery bags for socks. He mows the lawn in the middle of the night. And he absolutely hates it when you park in front of his house. Bear in mind, he doesn't own a car, but anyone parking in the street in front of his house absolutely riles him. You'll most likely earn yourself a hastily-scrawled note taped to your windshield, "NO PARKING ALLOWED!" If you're really lucky, and you're trying to bring your girlfriend home at 1AM, he might try to rush out of his house and confront you. And the best way to react is pretend you don't see him hobbling towards you, waving his arms, and just drive away and sob silently while your girlfriend screams and screams and screams... (not, that that has ever happened to me.)

This brings us to our second creepy neighbor. Also a shut-in, also lives in his parents' house, you might think he's Old Man Weirdo's trainee. Which might be the case. Maybe some day, when I'm bringing my family back to Bellerose for Thanksgiving, he'll be the new Old Man Weirdo. But as far as I know, the two goofballs remain entirely autonomous, and suck the happiness of our little corner of the neighborhood, completely independently. But I'll dub this jerk, The Junkie Kid. He's real skinny, has a child molester mustache, seems to hold no job, and is in his mid-40's... probably. I don't know for sure if he does drugs... but it'd be a good excuse for his station in life. I did happen to glimpse him staggering out of a taxi cab one night, most likely coming back from a local, white trash bar. For some reason, he also has beef with whoever parks in front of his house. You'll get the note treatment, or he'll even venture outdoors during the daylight and confront you with some transparent reason ("Uhh, you see, I'm expecting company...") The fact remains that his house is on a corner, and thus has plenty of parking space for his imminently arriving imaginary friends.

Why did I write about these dipshits? Because I got to talk to the Junkie Kid today. Since my Dad came out of surgery last week, he's been under strict orders not to exert himself (and boy, is he milking that one! The guy got about 8 years of mileage over his heart attack back in '94) Anyway, he needed some help with the leaves, so I happily volunteered. Amongst our garage arsenal is a combination leaf blower/leaf chopper with an extension cord. So after sequestering all the leaves in a longish pile in front of our house, I switched attachments and started sucking them up. This can be a lengthy job because a) wet leaves can get stuck in the pipe and need to be cleared out, and b) the bag attachment can only hold so much leaf crumbs, thus necessitating multiple trips to behind the garage where we keep our combination compost pile/rodent hotel. Between trips 3 and 4 (I had to empty the bag 7 times in total) I noticed a landscaping contracter truck roll up to Junkie Kid's house. Three leafblowers came out and made short work of his leaves. They then sucked up the leaves with an industrial sucker/chopper and were gone in about 30 minutes. My first thought was that it was pretty shitty of Junkie Kid to hire a contractor when his next-door neighbor actually did part-time landscaping himself. (On a complete side note, that guy's son was one of my best friends in grade school and junior high... incidentally, he's now a tattoo artist and licensed skin piercer, just for your information) Anyway, the second thing I thought was... the jackass is watching me walk back and forth with my lame little sucker, and is probably going to come over and give me some "neighborly advice," about landscape management. I visualized "accidentally" unpopping the leaf crumb bag when he came up behind me, shooting twigs, dust, and leaves in his face. But then I thought that'd be no good, because he'd probably sue me or something.

Well, sure enough, he did come by, and he did give me neighborly advice. I had to shake his hand, too. Then came the awkward, "idle chat" phase, where he asked about me and what I did. In fact, he seemed to have no clue that I actually lived at home. He thought I was home for Thanksgiving. I also think he might have thought I was my brother. (My brother who actually almost got into a fight with him a couple years back over, what else?, parking in front of his house.) But for whatever reason, he had absolutely no clue who I was. I was civil, but I kept my answers short and didn't add to the conversation. I sort of gave him my, "I have no interest in interacting with you in any way, but I'll retain my dignity" expression. Eventually he shambled off, back to his parents' house. Probably had some game shows to watch, or Victoria Secrets catalogues to ogle.

I know I was going to stay mum until after the exam... but I couldn't resist!

Feedback Question of the Day:
"Ever have some truly unpleasant person that you had to tolerate?"

Going to the Mattresses

I'm going back into isolation as I enter my last week of study for NYCOM's Hematology-Immunology section. By this time, next week, I'll be happily finished with my second med school exam, and enjoying a well-earned Thanksgiving break.

Some of you may be wondering, "Is Tom going to write one of these, 'Oh My God, I'm so stressed about my test' blogs every freakin' time he has one?" And the answer is... "probably."

So, in less than 7 days from now, I'll be, hopefully, happily inebriated and blogging. That may sound horribly lame, but from where I'm sitting right now... I can't wait!

Lines Writ at Med School, Pt. 4

So... have you heard the news?

Yep, I'm getting married.

Don't believe me? I have another blog to prove it. Check out Wedded Blitz!
The wedding blog will be a bit more tame, if only because it's an important subject, and shouldn't be treated irreverently. Plus, I anticipate that my in-laws see it somehow. And being a little more straight-laced for a wedding blog is a small price to pay to avoid awkward Thanksgivings in the future.

But I'm okay with that. I'll just get the rest of my sarcasm (such as it is) out on this blog. It all works out rather nicely. Somehow, beer pong tables will not appear on the other one.

In other, non-matrimonial news, K-Rock, 92.3, WXRK New York, will be changing their format, once again. This is a big shame, primarily because I like getting to hear Metallica, Van Halen, Guns N Roses, Rage Against the Machine, and Alice In Chains all within the same hour. I also like not having to listen to Sum 41. I appreciate that. It's the little things in life that make the difference.

But, alas, their new "Great Rock. Period." format will be changing after the new year to "K-Rock Free FM." Which is pretty freakin' weak... and for several reasons.

1) I liked their current format. Simply put, it's got good music. I found it to be pretty sweet just to have K-Rock play some good music finally, as penance for indirectly ruining the best radio station ever, Q104.3, "Pure Rock," back in the mid-90's.

A typical night on Q104.3 would feature Pantera, White Zombie, Type O Negative, NIN, Nirvana, Sevendust, and Mandatory Metallica every weekday night at 9PM. It was a perfect radio station format... until K-Rock back then decided to switch from a "classic rock" format to an "alternative rock" format. Since Howard Stern was on K-Rock, the powers-that-be over at Q104.3 assumed that they would lose their whole audience to K-Rock, since they'd then sound similarly... although K-Rock's format would never play as good music as Q104.3's... but hindsight is 20-20. Bottom line: Q104.3 got nervous, so they changed their format to "classic rock" to stay distinct from K-Rock, and thus one day I realized I was listening to Elton John's "Crocodile Rock," when I expected to hear Powerman 5000. (incidentally, I realized this on the same exact road as when I heard on the radio several years later that Jason Newsted announced he had left Metallica... that is one unlucky patch of asphalt!)

And then, after playing absolute garbage the last couple of years (ie: the state of popular rock today) K-Rock decided to jump on the "It's cool to be into Led Zeppelin and Ozzy, now" bandwagon (don't believe me, just peek in a Hot Topic at the mall) and started playing hair rock, grunge rock, and some selected heavy metal. These days, you take what you can get, so I put away my cd's and I enjoyed the new format.

So now, with Howard Stern leaving K-Rock, due to increasing FCC pressure and absurd "indecency" regulations, and moving to Sirius satellite radio, K-Rock will be once again changing their format to all-talk. There are many of you out there that liked 102.7 back when they were all-talk, what with shows like Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez. Personally, I didn't really like it all that much, I would rather listen to music.

2. This is a trasparent swipe at Howard Stern. They're calling the new format: "Free FM," as opposed to satellite, which you have to pay for. That's an awfully cheap shot, guys. Believe me, it really isn't a question of money. If you are really into Howard Stern, you'll get the satellite radio, and if not... you won't. I won't. I'll miss listening, but I was never a big fan of the show. People aren't going to be swayed on account of money. For me, listening to Howard isn't worth the effort of getting satellite. So basically, Free FM is just a gay, snarky little title for K-Rock, in order to "distinguish themselves from Howard Stern's satellite show. But it's not the money, it's the Stern that makes the distinction. Stern is in a class by himself, and there is no show that K-Rock has in the pipeline that will come anywhere in the same galaxy as Howard Stern's success. As one wise commentator said, " You don't want to be the guy who replaces Howard Stern... you'd much rather would be the guy who replaces the guy who replaced Howard Stern."

While on the subject, I think all the FCC regulation on radio is patently ridiculous. As long as Howard Stern doesn't use F, S, or C... what's the big hairy deal? Children are not exposed to Howard Stern because he's on in the morning, when kids are at school. Unassuming adults who wouldn't appreciate Howard Stern's show have the lovely option of immediately changing the station or turning off the radio. And what Howard Stern says is pretty tame compared to what kids can easily find on the internet after they get home. Let's be honest, here.