Consternation

It's just been one of those weeks.

I'm a pretty patient guy, but even I have my limits. I had a recent run-in with various members of the NYCOM administration, and I wasn't exactly pleased. The first, and far more serious, was last Monday, when I was called out during the middle of lecture,

"Will Thomas Crimmins please meet me in the back of the auditorium?"

I thought my ears were tricking me. Why on earth would anyone need to speak to me? Well, okay... I stood up and waved to the woman, like a dummy. I had no idea what this was about. But needless to say, I don't like being called upon like that. It's never to announce anything good.

I walk to the back, where there are like, 3 other administration types waiting for me, giving me disapproving looks, like I was caught dressing up the cadavers in hilarious outfits and taking pictures with them. The expressions were not unlike something a young child would get from the principal in elementary school.

I'm 26. I'm not liking this one bit.

The woman who had called my name starts going, "Thomas, Thomas, Thomas... you did a very bad thing."

ME (in my mind) "What the hell is this all about?"
And my facial expression is most likely revealing my utter incomprehension of the situation.

SHE "When the dean e-mails you to come to her office, you better go!"

ME (in my mind) "Buh?"
ME (out loud) "I'm sorry, I didn't get any e-mail."

To which, one of the other administrative-types goes, "We've been e-mailing you several times about this matter, and you never responded. Now you have to speak to the dean." And that last sentence she sorta said triumphantly... like, "Now you're gonna get it!"

To make a dumb story shorter, I'll explain. I had apparently never given in my meningitis inoculation form. They had apparently e-mailed me to correct this matter. Since I had not responded, my lack of reply would be considered reason to drop me from the program.

"DROP ME FROM THE PROGRAM."

Just in case you didn't catch that. They were going to dismiss me from school, because of this. Now, I acknowledge that I didn't check my e-mail since the middle of the last week. It turned out that they had e-mailed me twice on the preceding Friday. Now, it was Monday. And they were going to expel me.

WTF?!

The only thing I did wrong was not check my e-mail for one weekend.

Shame on me.

So now, the administration-types inform me, I have to plead my case to the dean. And I go. And it's fine. But I'm mainly embarrassed. Also, I picked that day, of all days, to wear my Homer Simpson, "Procrastination" shirt. Quite appropriate for a meeting with the dean.

My annoyance about the whole thing, though, is that my being dismissed from medical school. Something that took more blood, sweat, and tears (and crippling loans) to get into, I was going to lose because I didn't catch an e-mail sent two days before. Yes, I admit that I should have checked my e-mail every day. And believe me, I do now. However, wouldn't you think that such a serious matter would have warranted... oh, I don't know... a phonecall, maybe? Pretty freakin' lazy, if you ask me. And while I'm on the subject, I distinctly remember them collecting the meningitis forms and health forms during the orientation in August. I had my meningitis form. I came up to the lady (ironically, the very same lady that called me out of my class) and asked her if she needed it.

And she said, "no."

It's bunk, I say. Bunk.

The hilarious scene from Monty Python's Meaning of Life was actually based on a real incident at Carmine's in Manhattan.

This past Sunday, I joined Al, Michelle, Louie, Erin, Brian, and Ben to celebrate Mark's new job. Which, of course, was a perfect excuse to eat, drink, and make merry at Carmine's, a "family-style" Italian restaurant right in Times Square. An eatery with portions so large, that it has been known to bring low the most gluttonous pro-football lineman, or even sumo wrestler. And, indeed, the food is good, too.

The experience did not disappoint. We were treated to heaping platters of fried calamari, penne ala vodka, chicken parm (natch), and some bowl that clearly held the unholy coupling of Olive Garden and Red Lobster. Along with 4 bottles of wine, liberally shared between 6 of our party... we ventured into unknown territory... "the dessert menu."

"What is The Titanic?"

That was the question, when we saw the bold words etched across the menu. For $22.50, we had no idea what sort of concoction would be unleashed upon us. Somehow, between the nine of us, we consumed the delicious pile of wonderful. The titanic turned out to be vanilla ice cream, chocolate cake, chocolate syrup, thoroughly covered in whipped cream, and garlanded with bananas and strawberries. It was supposed to come with nuts... but my friends graciously deferred to my allergies and requested the Titanic, "sans nuts."

Congratulations, Mark. We're all proud of you!
(And if I ever manage to get these pictures off my cell phone, I'll be happy to post them here.)

Gremlins: Apparently, my frequent houseguests...

I'm convinced, we got gremlins.

Aside from being hysterically homicidal critters and an excuse to see Phoebe Cates in a movie, gremlins have been traditionally known to cause mechanical and electrical problems by World War II airmen. In latter years, many of these problems were proven to be caused by windshear, condensation, and Communists. But many airmen still hold to the old beliefs.

Well, I think we have them, now.

Back in mid-August, all but one of the house's VCR's up and died. At the same time. Quite mysterious. My dad found it amusingly weird. I just found it annoying, mainly because my copy of Bill Cosby: Himself, is still stuck in my VCR. But I digress...

...it was gremlins.

How else could such a thing happen? What are the odds of three separate VCRs giving up the ghost at the same time? Not too good, I imagine.

Now, fast forward to last week, the internet goes down at the same time as my family's dishwasher commits seppuku. What the heck is going on, here?

Needless to say, I've got to enlist the aid of the weird old Asian guy that runs the creepy curio shop on the edge of town. He shakes his cane at me and curses in Cantonese whenever I come by. But what are you gonna do?

Feedback Question of the Day:
"Ever experience a weird happening? Either at home or away? See something strange? Mechanical weirdness? Alien abduction? 7 chicken McNuggets in a 6 order?"

Lines Writ at Med School, Pt 2: Greek Santa

Twas the night before Wednesday, when all through the homestead
Only Tom was still stirring, although quite exhausted.
His assignments were studied for hours with care,
In hopes that Friday soon would be there.

Normal people were all nestled, snug in their beds,
While visions of Kelly Monaco danced in their heads.
And good ol' Dad dozed in his old lazy boy,
After watching the Yankees win again with great joy.

When back on the deck there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and whipped out my gat.

All that I saw was our newly-built stoop
Built by a swarthy fellow often reeking of poop.
And just when I thought that I had gone spastic,
I glimpsed a tall stack of cd's, all tied up in plastic.

Who left this for me? Who on earth would do this?
Then I figured it was Louie Mavroudis.
Swung in from Viacom, in the dead of the night,
He burned me a whole bunch of music, then went home for a bite.

"Of Misfits! Mastodon! Judas Priest and Pitch Shifter!
Seether, Avenged Sevenfold, and even some Slayer!
From the depths of the '80s to contemporary metal,
He gave me a collection, on nothing less would he settle.

As the Scorpions rock you like a wild hurricane fly,
Or as Hetfield encourages you, to take a look to the sky.
So up to the casa the van it did flew,
With the bag full of Rock, and Louie Mavs, too.

And then, in a twinkling, I smelled on my deck,
The tell-tale aroma of his usual cigarette.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney good ol' Louie came with a bound.

He was dressed all in leather from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bunched up denim jacket, was now practically black.
Covered in dust, he tried to breathe with a hack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples not at all saggy!
My description of him, I'm decidedly faggy!
His big goofy grin, he viewed all the rubble,
And the goatee on his chin, made all of stubble.

The butt of a ciggy he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
Oh wait, that's me... in the mirror I'd looked,
I really shouldn't have eaten all that pasta I'd cooked..

I asked him why he came through the chimney like that,
So scared I was, in my pants almost shat.
But he then stuck his finger inside of his nose,
Flicked me a booger, which fell on my toes!

He ran out to his van, to my neighbors gave the finger,
And the Greek disappeared like the Guns'n'Roses singer.
Before he was gone, I thought I heard him say,"
"Rock-on, motherfucker! I'll see you Sunday!"

Lines Writ at Med School, Part 1

Hey guys,
I realized that I'm probably only going to be able to do one of my typical mammoth entries once a week, usually on a Friday or something... but there's a lot of random junk that pops up every now and then, that I want to share, but I don't wait until Friday... so there'll be another recurring feature on this blog:

"Lines Writ at Med School"

And basically, it'll just be shorter blog entries written while at med school. Yeah, I know, not very creative. But I pretty much can't wait a whole week sometimes...

Like today I had OMM lab. OMM stands for Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine. Basically, we utilize a lot of psychology, emotionally manipulating unsuspecting people... lying and backstabbing, learning to play others like puppets. No, actually, OMM is for physical manipulation: examinations that involve touching people. Yeah, you may snicker and laugh now... but when you pinch a nerve or wrench your back someday, you'll know who to come to. This is one aspect that DO's have over MD's... we're trained to identify problems in posture and muscle and bone structure based on sight and touch and range of motion. And we're also trained to fix the problems using touch and other manipulative procedures.

One catch: guys take their shirts off. You may be thinking, "what kind of school is this, anyway?" But, we examine each other first... it's the only way to learn. So let's just say, I have a brand new motivation for jogging every day.

And maybe waxing my back.

Yuck.

What's Next? What's Next?

High above Coldspring, Tom ingeniously puts together three of his favorite things: Hiking, patriotism, and pole dancing!

Three weeks in, and I'm still standing.

Some pieces of wisdom I've grown to understand and acknowledge about medical school...

"There are no shortcuts." Oh yes. These two years are nearly entirely book learning. Classic lecture and written exam-based study. One thing I've realized since starting this is that science is very black-and-white. There's very little in the way of interpretation on exams, either you're right or you're wrong. Back in the day, when I was still in my elementary education program, I pretty much just had to be charming and entertaining when I did my presentation... even if I only spent two hours the night before throwing it together, to get an A. Medical school and it's ilk doesn't necessarily reward the smartest, but the most tenacious and dedicated. This truth I am completely reminded of. So I spend each evening poring over textbooks and photocopied notes trying to absorb it all in. As Jim Grant once so eloquently put it, "... it's like trying to drink from the firehose."

"Medical School is a lifestyle." Also very true, as I no longer see days split into "time at work," and "free time," now it's merely a seemingly never-ending schedule of study blocs. This science stuff messes with you, because you never quite feel you've gotten it all. You really are never "done" studying. Thankfully, after my first test (October 7th) I'll have a weekend to just veg out... so party on the 8th, people!

VEGANimosity. Just Another one of PETA's introspective and thought-provoking publications.

In those rare quiet moments in which I've tried to waste a little time trolling around the internet, I came across a couple of great little videos.

This first one is from Penn & Teller's Bullsh*t series. They devote each episode to investigating, debunking, and pretty much annihilating a particular belief or institution. Obviously, I'm not always on the same page with these guys, if they decide to do an episode on religion or something... but then again, sometimes they hit another topic right on the head, as far as I'm concerned. Here's a link to an episode where they take aim at PETA and their ilk.

The next time-waster is another guy who's got plenty to say about a whole lotta topics. I heard about him on the radio, apparently, he's a working class New Yawka who does his own cable-access show from Queens. The show? Drinking With Bob. He's also got a blog, which holds many of his random rants about very deserving targets. Enjoy. WHAT'S NEXT?

What's Next? I'll tell you what's next. He Man... singing alternative rock from the 1990's. Must be seen to be believed. Also, hysterical. Check this out here.

Here's a movie in which Sarah Silverman fills the void left by Dave Chappelle. You can barely tell the difference! I'm rich, beyotch!

Finally, here's a little video game about a gold-hungry ninja that very nearly resulted in me failing out of medical school. Be forewarned, it's addictive.

Junk n' trunks: I've almost organized everything I want to sell at the Bellerose Village Flea Market.

September 17th will be the Annual Bellerose Village Flea Market. I'm going to once again try to get rid of all my old comic books, toys, video games and other assorted crap. Despite an earnest effort to save more money and clear out a lot of superfluous junk... it just seems to keep flowing back in. Spread the word and come on by. ...because I can really use the money.

I'm just glad I'll have a day tomorrow to just be outside and relaxing. Lately, I think I've been losing it. I've been sleeping at random times, getting moodier than usual... and I've been laughing like an idiot at strangest movies:

Around the World in 80 Cliches

I thought this movie was so much fun. And I don't know why. I mean, obviously Jackie Chan is in it, which automatically elevates this movie to at least a B. But the uncomfortable English guy, and all the silly "George of the Jungle"-esque humor just had me rolling off my couch. I know this movie didn't do very well in the theatres, but it really was a cute little flick. Definitely a fun way to waste a couple of hours. But I think the next movie might indicate I'm starting to slowly lose my grip...

Yeah, that's right. I saw 13 Going on 30. And I liked it. What can I say, I'm a sucker for romantic comedies. There, I said it. I even liked Maid In Manhattan.

Okay, I'll hand in my "man-card" when I'm done with this...

I wanted to see this in the theater when it came out (with Ally... of course) but she thought I wanted to see it for other reasons other than to laugh and cry like the wuss I truly am. She thought it was because of Jennifer Garner. Ha! Yeah, I saw Daredevil... but her tight, strappy black leather Elektra costume had nothing to do with me wanting to see this movie. But she didn't see it that way.

So, anyway, I finally saw it on cable yesterday, and I once again found myself falling off the couch laughing. And, I mean... it's not like Mr. Show or anything, you know? So what's the deal with my bizarre fits of laughter? But if you haven't thought I've lost it yet... then prepare for....

"The Horror... the Horror..." and her twin sister, "Becky."

I saw White Chicks, guys.

And I laughed.

A lot.

What the heck is wrong with me?

Because if you weren't scared before... you should be now! I know I am.

"Are You European? Or Just Gay?"

Clearly, there is a gigantic difference between the European Flag and the Gay Pride Flag. Most notably, one represents a union of European nations... and the other one represents a particular sexual orientation. And one is a rainbow.

Oh boy... before any of my overseas readers or folks who subscribe to the alternative lifestyle start with the angry comments, let me assure you that this is neither a slam on Europeans nor people who are gay. Or even for gay Europeans.

No, this is all about a question that was voiced while at the beach the other day. Ally, Mike, and I went to South Hampton to enjoy a relaxing day at a secluded beach amongst the absurdly wealthy. Why? Why did we drive an hour an a half to rub sunscreened elbows with the dog-owning elite?

To be honest, I don't know. But that's what Ally and Mike wanted to do, so who was I to argue?

50 Cent, Eat Your Heart Out. Amazing as it is, the gigantic gold crucifix, black speedo, and hairy chest combo just hasn't caught-on, this side of the Atlantic.

So, while sitting on my beach chair, my pale, fish-belly Irish skin brazenly exposed to sun, reading through my notes on DNA replication, I happened to notice three guys hanging out together on two towels. They were blonde, middle-aged white guys, and they were curled out on the sand dune... awfully close to each other. Do the math, 3 guys, 2 towels. Not a lot of personal space. So Ally and I exchanged furtive glances...

"Ally, what do you think? Gay?"

"Maybe..."

I quickly re-evaluated the scene: "Umm... maybe not. Y'know, they might just be European." And at one point, I actually did hear them speaking in German or a German accent. They fit the look. And European men don't have as many hang-ups about personal space as American men do.

Which brings me to the title of the article: "Are you European? ...or just gay?"

Nothing odd here: Mikey, Sam, Steve, and Hippy John settle in for a restful night. Together.

Why would I assume three guys laying on two towels very close to each other were gay? And then I realized it had a lot to do with American mentality, and the concept of personal space. Heterosexual American guys... like space. If me and two of my buddies went to the beach for the day, we'd give ourselves at least three feet of sand boundary between the towels. We wouldn't line them up all flush against each other and spoon...

... but then Ally brought up a point, "Would heterosexual guys go to the beach together for the day, without women... at all?" Well, I know I wouldn't. But that's because I'm not a beach person. So it's hard to say. But I understood what she was meaning.

Which brought me to my next pondering: are guys allowed to do anything together in public without being construed as homosexual?

Kerry and Edwards: Just two affectionate politicians...

Can straight guys hang out? Meaning, can straight guys go out together without the express intention of meeting women, ie: cruising bars and clubs? Can two guys go to a restaurant together for dinner? Go to a movie together? Go to a museum together? Have a picnic together? Without their sexuality being called into question?

Yeah. I know, it sounds weird. But it seems that there are preconceptions of what are traditional, "acceptable" male-bonding activities, and antiquing isn't one of them. Yes, you can go hiking in the woods, but, no, you can't take a walk in the park.

Nowadays, in our enlightened times, young men can be affectionate without their sexuality put into question...

... but then again...

So obviously, there are boundaries between what is accepted as straight, and what is assumed to be gay.

At this point, I'd like to make clear that I don't have anything against people who are gay. I respect them just as much as anyone else. I can understand if this article looks like I'm making fun of homosexual people. But this is not the case. I'm just trying to explore the idea of perception. How behavior is perceived by your typical American, and how people from other parts of the world don't necessarily subscribe to those particular boundaries.

More than anything else, I find it all really funny. I find it all amusing, that a group of men, just spending time with each other, doing some activity not traditionally pre-approved as "normal," are assumed to be gay. Mostly, I find my own perception, when I was looking at the European guys hanging out on the beach together, extremely funny, and even more embarassing.

Fabulous clothes... big hugs... let the good times roll!

Such a strange society that we live in, a weird mish-mash of stubborn rebelliousness and puritanical conservatism.

Speaking of perspectives, if you haven't seen the 40-Year Old Virgin yet (and I highly recommend you do!) then you'd enjoy a recurring gag in which the characters say, "You know how I know you're gay?" Here's a link to a clip, it's an out-take, but some of them made it into the movie.

In the end, the point I want to make is that we should all give our preconceptions and prejudices a good evaluation. We should examine all our societal and cultural guidelines about what constitutes sexual orientation and lifestyle.

Because they're pretty arbitrary.

When I worked at TGI Friday's, many in the staff assumed I was gay. When I asked on what evidence did they base their assumption, I was told "I didn't hit on any of the girls." Ah-ha! So obviously, I preferred men.

Or maybe I just had higher standards.

3 straight German dudes can share 2 towels on the beach. Italian guys always kiss each other in greeting. I'm a hugger. My Irish friends aren't. Athletes pat each other's butts. Who makes these weird-ass rules, anyway?

Odds and Ends

Tom made his Christmas Wish-List as clear as possible.

Yo ho... and a bottle of rum. How ya doin' peoples? All sorts of things have been runnin' through the ol' noggin, and it's about time I put it all on blog.

Mary has finally headed off to Siena College, and relinquished her stranglehold on the family computer... which is mainly why I was able to do this blog during the daytime. Hooray!

I've made it through my first honest-to-goodness week at med school. Y'know with lectures and assignments, and... stuff. I'm still getting a handle on all the teachers and their expectations for the year. But so far, so good.

Some interesting characters I have in my class. Most notably, some guy that looks an awful lot like Matt Stone of South Park fame.

(artist's depiction)

Except... he has a beard.

This blog attracts the most interesting people!

Last time, on the blog, I received feedback from a guy named Dave. Just for the record, Dave rocks. Mainly, because the last blog entry was chiefly aimed at 11 specific people. And only this complete stranger left a comment for the whole following week. Weird, huh? Chris left a comment just recently... probably right after he left a comment for my illustrious fellow blogger, Mikey.

Last week's blog entry's lack of response puzzled me. I figured that it would elicit the most feedback ever. I couldn't have been more wrong. Who woulda thunk it that quasi-humorous wedding group shot photo analysis would equal web log toxicity?! Not me.

Ah well... I'm sure all the regulars, ie: Tio, Puppy Guy, and Dr. Love were all out shingling their roofs... or something. All week. Probably.

Sahara + Domino's Pizza = 2 Hours Well-Spent!

I finally got to see Sahara this past weekend. So much fun. I've been excited about this flick for a while, as it's based on one of my absolutely most favorite book series ever: The Dirk Pitt adventures by Clive Cussler. Matt McConaughty and company did the story and characters proper service and put together a great adventure story. Unfortunately, it wasn't exactly a blockbuster, but a sequel is still likely. I hope so.

So guys, if you want to sit down and watch a fun adventure movie, with some great characters, great dialogue, minimal CGI, and a fast-paced storyline... check out Sahara.

Here I am, sizing up the table after sanding it down.

The Duff Stadium Saga

I would be remiss if I didn't pay proper respect to an art project that I devoted over a month to this past summer: the custom beer pong table that would eventually be dubbed, "Duff Stadium."

Chris and I picked up the wood at a local store. Strangely, it was a combination Pet Food and Lumber Yard. Which... I guess would be a convenient place to go if you needed a couple 2x4's and 50 pounds of kibbles and bits. I'm surprised no one ever thought of that combo before. Perhaps the store owner tried different concepts that only failed, and this is his most recent experiment. First he tried "Health Club and Aquarium Supply." A couple of years later, he went to started "Baby Gap and Tractors." Still later, the local "Bar and Grill and Fertilizer." And then he almost gave it all up after he failed at "Hooters and Religious Goods." But somehow, he held on, and his new venture is handling all the local lumber and pet food needs of the community!

All the painting is nearly done... only the centerpiece remains!

After a day of inclement weather forced the project into my basement (where it would ultimately remain until it was finished), Chris and I moved into the painting phase. Several late nights and a whole lot of masking tape, and we got it juuuust right.

Centerpiece: Completed!

And thus, after one long night of painting and masking taping... not to mention a whole lot of Cartoon Network, the Duff logo came out looking perfect! Only two steps left to go...

We then add some character to the table.

Chris's most important contribution, other than making sure I woke up for all our meetings, was sizing and printing out all the Simpsons characters on high-quality photo paper. These circles would be used for placement of the party cups during the beer pong games. Mysteriously, everything was going perfectly according to plan!

The shiny goodness of it all!

The last, and most important step of the beer pong table process was the water-proofing. Chris and I had debated on what would be the best way to protect the table. Many solutions were suggested, including painting on varnish and bolting on plexiglass. But ultimately, the right way to go was "liquid glass." Which was a resin coating used for bowling alleys and bar tops. It was a sticky job that claimed one of my favorite t-shirts and the tips of my running shoes... but the result was worth it. After drying for a week in the basement... Duff Stadium had a glossy, hardened, permanent, waterproof surface. I'm still amazed at how perfectly it came out. Eventually, the table was unveiled at SummerSlam '05 to great enthusiasm... and we had a great beer pong tournament that night!

Which Chris an I... most fittingly... won.

Mike Myers: A Class Act

As you all must be aware, Hurricane Katrina ravaged the deep south recently, most notably in New Orleans, Louisiana. Much attention has been made about the disorganization and chaos that has defined this tragedy. A lot of angry and bewildered voices have been questioning the response and the effectiveness of the government's handling of the relief. It seems fairly obvious that government, on all levels, from local to national, were caught flat-footed on this one. But I won't turn this blog into an apologist for the Bush administration. Certainly there are plenty of politically-themed blogs around, from both sides of the spectrum, so I feel no need to share my views here. However, there are certain things I object to... Such as the behavior exhibited here:

Check this out.

Kanye, "Holier Than Thou" West

You know... you're allowed to not like politicians. And you're granted the freedom of speech. But these days, it seems like freedom of speech is being interpreted as "mandate for assholery." Save your eloquently-formed opinions (the dufus can barely put a sentence together) for yourself and your blinged-out, Cristal-swilling cohorts, Kanye. You're on television to encourage people to help out their fellow Americans amidst a tragedy. Keep your absurd conspiracy theories and ignorant world view and your superficial, self-serving lifestyle to yourself.

Things like poise, courtesy, and maturity seem to be completely ignored today, as celebrities use their exposure to spout off on subjects they typically know very little about. Call me crazy, but I think someone who's job it is to run a government has a little more realistic appreciation for the state of the world than a minimally educated guy who rhymes things real good and popularized the return of the pink polo shirt.

Personally, I find it incredibly selfish and immature to ad-lib a political diatribe while you're supposed to be encouraging people to donate. Is Kanye helping the situation? I think not. If anything, he's probably pissing off people and perhaps convincing some to NOT donate. Save the soundbites for afterwards... after the people have been assisted.

I give Mike Myers a lot of credit for maintaining his professionalism and composure while the hack next to him rambles on and on incoherently. I'll say this: That was one time I can admit that a Canadian was far superior to the American.

And to all of you out there, please donate to the relief effort, if you haven't already.